The Search for Self-worth - Session 5

Session 5

11-5-10

Man is meant to receive and walk in the love of God and respond to it in obedient faith in service and love to Him and each other, and the result is that we become all that we were intended to be.

Forgive as you’ve been forgiven. This is the threshold. This is the beginning of your life. Without this you are going nowhere. This is stuff the believers have to deal with. When we came to Christ, we also brought out of the darkness, a lot of darkness thinking- bitterness, unforgiveness.

We have been called by Christ and answered His call, but to complete and move toward this calling, we must forgive those who have wounded.

Some of us have been stabbed in the back… and we’re still bleeding. Bitterness is what the core is. All of the wrath and unforgiveness comes from it. 1 Peter 2: PUT IT AWAY. Behind that in the Greek the meaning is, so strong, DO IT NOW. Don’t you dare pray about! Put it away, now! Don’t put it off. We are to put away the whole family of bitterness. If you know you have this as a tendency, realize it, so you can cooperate with the Holy Spirit in working on it. Don’t deny it.

Bitterness is a state in which you think, the way in which your emotions live. It’s brooding. Not a thing. It is brooding about a wrong that was done to you. Something done yesterday, a year ago, 50 years ago.  Brooding- you’re going to sit on that egg and hatch it. You’re gonna get your money’s worth out of this.

I have to set side the fact that I’ve been wronged. We can’t brood about it. We all have been wronged! What are we going to do about it? What sense is there in returning to the hurt again? It hurt so much the first time, why would we continue to hurt ourselves? Paying back? No… It is only joining the person that hurt you, either knowingly or un-knowingly, in a twisted way of hurting yourself.

You are a new man in Christ. Yes, true. But not perfect. If you have brought bitterness into the Kingdom of God, which is likely because we’ve all been hurt, then we are likely to keep that pattern of thinking and be bitter at new hurts.

Why would we do this? It all comes back to the lie. We’re supposed to be like God, right? So, therefore, vengeance is mine? I was powerless, now I regroup, I get even, and I am going to bind you with chains, to what you’ve done. You’ve hurt me and I’m not going to let you ever go from that and I will go out of my way to let you feel that. This is the beginning of murder. But for now, I am going to padlock you out of my life, out of my friend’s lives; I would padlock you out of the universe if I could.

Look at Joseph’s story. It wouldn’t have been there unless he had forgiven. Unless he had forgiven his brothers, he would have had a victim mentality. He would have died a bitter old slave in Potiphar’s House. Taken Potiphar’s wife’s offer. After all, He had it coming to him, right? He deserved it! After what I’ve been through, you expect me to live a successful life?

To forgive is the greatest step of faith. To forgive others the way God in His love has forgiven you. Col. 1:11- Strengthened (Empowered) with all power. Empowered? (Classical Greek uses the same word for Hercules.) Why? To go out and raise the dead? Well, not in this passage. It is to forgive. He forgave us and made us heirs.

The power of God is not always physical. Go beyond the feeling. It is a choice, PUT AWAY Bitterness. Do it now! It is a part of faith.  We can’t completely do it of ourselves. We need the Holy Spirit’s help. So we go ahead and do it in faith.

Is forgiving letting them win? Is it admitting that the other person is right? Is it saying, “Oh, I’m such a good Christian, I will just let you go on down the road. I guess I over-reacted.” No, I was hurt! Get rid of all of that silly ‘Christian’ view that we don’t get hurt. Yes, we still get hurt. Part of being a Christian is what we do with that hurt.

What did Joseph do with it? After his dad died and his brothers come to him trembling, saying, “Well, dad made us promise we would ask you to forgive us.” He already had! Joseph actually wept at the pitifulness of it. He said, you meant this for evil. He admitted that he was hurt.

Forgiving is not absolving people’s sins.  Who do you think you are? You can’t forgive people’s sins… unless the proper steps have been taken (1 John 1). When someone sins against you, they sin against the Artist who put you together.  The fact is you’re made in His image. It is a dangerous thing messing with another human.

The only part I can play in this scene is to release you to God. This means that I have no personal vendetta against you. Joseph got this. “Am I god?” he says. He gave it to God. I release you out of my hands. The Webster’s definition is: to send away. We’re not saying how wrong they were. 50% or %100, I am no longer the judge. The reason God reserves judgment is, only He fully knows their heart. Now, I pray that their eyes are open to see that Jesus has bourn their sin. That they can turn to God and find the mercy that is there.

You say, “Wait a minute, I know God, He’s gonna let them get away with this! Somebody’s gotta pay for this!” Jesus says I have.

What about Stephen? As he’s being stoned, he prays, “Lord, lay it not to their charge.” Whose charge was it laid to? Who had it coming to them? It was laid to Jesus. He’s not saying that they’re getting away with it, but that love has wrapped up the loose ends and the price has been met by God. What happened with Saul? He was released to God and God was able to work in his life because of that.

But wait, Jesus paid for everybody’s sins but that thing that was just done to you?

1.       So, first thing you must do is realize in your heart where there might have been bitterness and ask forgiveness for being bitter. Get forgiveness for yourself. I suggest you get alone, and list the people that have hurt you. Go as far back, let the Holy Spirit lead you, but go back. Admit that, “Yes, they hurt me, they HURT me. But God, I release them to You.” Then cross out their names.

2.       If it is convenient, go to the person and tell them that you had bitterness towards them. I say convenient because they may not know, so don’t stir the whole matter up again with them. But if they know, then clear it up with them.

3.       Go back and re-write the story of your life. You see, God was there all the time. He was loving you all the time. And you know what, He won. Out of the hell-hole that you called family, He got you. He won. Joseph did this. He never knew it at the time that God was with him.

You see, your memory of that event is the report of a 5 year old, or however old you were at the time. God bless him, but the little 5 year old didn’t know everything. Go back and see it through God’s eyes now.

The Search for Self-worth - Session 4

Session 4

11/3/10

We are being saved from a worldview that was distorted by the lie. We believed before we came to God that we have to do something to have God’s love. It’s satanic to think that way. It separates us from God.

But with the truth, I see that I am created in the image of my Creator. And others are too.

Iniquity is sin, but it is sin as it releases energy into those who follow it. As in it affects my children’s, children’s, children. It is twisted or bent, the energy that can twist or bend a whole family. No man sins to himself. Every time we sin we are passing something on to our family. It’s just like a baton- generational transfer.

I came to Christ. Who is that I? Just the mass of emotions that occurred in that meeting? No. I have roots. That is a mixture of all sorts of stuff. There is no blame on my parents, or ancestors. My parents are responsible to God for their actions. I am not responsible for their actions, but I am responsible for my response to their actions.

Children do not have an edit control. We do. “Oh, they’re having a bad day” Any kind of interpreted abuse is seen by the child as “You are unlovable, you’re no good, you’re not worth it.”

Jesus did not come to just deal with sin in a theological way. He came to remove the sin in all the ways it has twisted, bent and blitzed the human race in the passing down of iniquity. The way the Old Testament dealt with sin is with a very humane way of killing sheep- cut the jugular and it done- no suffering. But Jesus did. He suffered. He had to bear in His body our iniquities.

Acknowledge it and let it go- all the dirty, filthiness that you carried. Give it to God. He wants to take it. He loves you enough to take it and remove it from you. You don’t have to live in it anymore.

The Search for Self-worth - Session 2 + 3

10-27-10

Session two

Every generation has believed that they are the generation that would prove the Lie true. But you can’t- it’s a lie. You aren’t God. Independence of God, walking in front of Him instead of in Him is not true life. It is the Lie. Am I neutralizing my shame in your smile?

After the fall, I am ashamed of who I am so: What I do + my success at what I do or have + what you think of what I do = who I am. No longer a human being, but a human doing? In the garden, Adam called the woman, “my lady”- who she is. Afterwards, he renamed her Eve (the mother of my kids) – which was what she did.

As long as I am seeking to define my self in you by what I do; or to God by what I do, I’ll never be whole.  I am looking for love, I will settle for_________. What? Sex? Food? Drugs? Self-loathing? A person is never free from addiction until they experience the Love of God, for that is what they were looking for all along.

How did Adam handle his sense of shame? He disassociated himself from his shame. He took his shame and dumped it on his wife. Adam said, “I don’t have shame.” He believes the Lie that he is as God. By my performance, I will show you I am acceptable - a workaholic. I’m getting something I need (Praise) from boss, from myself. This person finds their identity in their performance. Controlling, Making everything right. Everything has to be right because I’m supposed to be like God. This person never lets someone know that they discovered something, because that would mean that they didn’t know it before. Hiding behind the mask. Where its lonely. This man lives happily with rules. Because its something he can strive towards. “I thank you God I’m not like other men.” No one can get past my mask. The man in control needs someone to tell him he’s needed. He needs imperfect people to show them that he’s perfect. He will go to any length to make the needy person happy, not solving things. He feels responsible to make them happy. He says to himself, “I am their savior” – Well, sort of. It’s approval addiction.

Eve took the shame. “Anything you say, just don’t reject me. You’re right.” That person will feel the shame, feels as if they’re many times less than the average person. Doubting yourself as a human being. Hating yourself for not doing something right. “I’m not like other people, if they really knew me, the real me, I am unlovable.” This person is driven by fear. Fear of abandonment and rejection. So I’m not going to give you a chance to find out who I truly am. Whatever anybody wants me to be, I will be. Because I find my identity in your smile. You’ll only love what I do, not me. Never thinking of their personal relationship, never taking a vacation because they think they’re not worth it. “Well, if you wanna go for Italian, I guess so, yeah that sounds good.” Whatever you want, just don’t reject me or even frown at me. All the time thinking, I hate Italian, why did they have to choose there?

When you believe the Gospel, that God loves you, You will emerge as a person and say, “I don’t like that restaurant!” Most of us are involved in the dance of shame. But listen, I’m responsible for my face, you’re responsible for yours. When you get approval from others, it binds you to continue seeking their happiness to keep getting their approval. When you receive it from God, you’re freed to say yes and no. When you know you’re loved your service will be a response. Are you doing things out of love for yourself? Or God? Is it a boomerang love? God’s love does not seek return. God loves me for my sake not His. He’s not compelled to love, He does it by free choice.

God does not seek my happiness. God doesn’t look at you when you’re unhappy and ask, “what did I (God) do wrong?” God wants to bring us into our full potential of human beings.  When I come to God’s love, my performance is killed. We die when we come to Christ. Which means our performances and strivings are no longer positives, they’re negatives.

Session three

10/28/10

John 3:18- there are two kinds of people in the world, those who are in the light, and those who are in the darkness. We have participated in and contributed to the darkness, we have naturally skulked in the darkness since the lie. In the darkness shame multiplies, and so does every problem.

If you feel guilty, thank God. Use it, go to the cross. Get free. As long as I am afraid that God would reject me if He saw ‘who I really am like’, I live in denial to make myself feel better. It creates a web of lies.

In the garden, when God asked, “What have you done?” –those were the most loving words. God humiliated Himself, He chose to place the ball in Adam’s court, - He’s calling Him out of shame. He was saying, “Adam, tell me what you’ve done- don’t make me tell you what you’ve done.” As soon as you bring your shame out into the light, it’s no longer shame.

Sin has a way of passing on- Iniquity. As long as I am looking to other human beings for love, identity and acceptance, then I am going to spend my entire life hiding who I am; so desperate for the approval of others. Denial is choosing fantasy. Deny out of fear of others not liking me, and Jesus despising me.  That is a fantasy.

Making more promises is just a re-adjustment of fig leaves. Yeah I messed up, but THIS WEEK, I’ll do better, I’ll read this or pray that. Come to Him just as you are. I dare to believe that You, God, You love me in all my weaknesses, all my imperfections.

All the denial, it all comes down to the lie: we’re supposed to be God. It ought to be this great thing, or that… No, the world has problems because it should be that way, it has kicked God out. Why not say, my name is, ______, I am in the process of being saved, and have had some problems.

What’s wrong with admitting we’ve been hurt? You can’t forgive anyone until you admit you’ve been hurt by them. Denial is the gospel of the darkness. If something hurts, deny it, and run into the darkness and “feel safe”. You receive a hideous strength when you deny. A strength that ties in with the lie.

Not admitting that you’re lonely? Why? Is it the religious answer? Because Jesus is enough? Well, yeah… He is, when you admit to Him that you need Him. Denial- it allows me to do things that anyone in their right mind would never do, drink myself to death, whatever… and say that I’m DIFFERENT? Denial is telling others what they want to hear, and what I want to hear.

You see, the root of it all is that severed relationship to God. We have presented a gospel with ultimate concerns. Getting to heaven. The gospel isn’t about that. It has to do with relationships. Once my life has heaven in it, than I am assured that I am going to heaven. The good news starts with the bad news- that I am wrong.  Repentance is saying- it’s all wrong. Not a few things, not going over a list of sins. It’s saying that I, in my entire approach to life am wrong. Coming to Christ is not about sopping up my jaded life, or a ticket to heaven. Its death- death to everything I’d done before-death to the lie. And by the Holy Spirit, I am raised to live with Him in life. And I increasingly move from my denial and shame.

The Search for Self-worth - Session 1

The Search for Self-worth

Malcolm Smith

10-26-10

First Session

Salvation is a day-to-day process. He puts us back together. We’ve been taken out of the darkness, now He’s taking the darkness out of us. My whole relationships change when I realize I am unconditionally loved.

What does it look like to be whole? Jesus came to save us and restore us to what the first Adam had, and could’ve had..?

Why did God create us in the first place? He freely chose to make us, not out of need, but out of love. He created us to love us. I was created to live in a relationship with God. I can image Him as I get to know Him.

He loves me, pours His love out on me, fills me up, I pour out into others, and so He, through me, loves creation. A human that does not know in their deepest part that they are unconditionally loved is the definition of dysfunctional

God is love, the source- not something He has as an appendage. This is the way He is- it is the essence of His being-covenant love-committed (limited) love. God has chosen to limit His love to you. He loves me not because of who I am, but because of who He is. God’s love springs forth spontaneously-it’s a love without cause. You’ll never truly love God until you realize He loves you. Its gift love-not earned. God’s love is not an emotion, but it is emotional. God is not cosmic charity. His is an infinite emotionalism-He delights in you.

God uses pet names for us. The baby is loved because it exists. Take that to limitlessness. As much as we awake and don’t even question whether we are deserving of air, so we should know love.

That’s how man was intended to know his identity: I know who I am- I am made in the image of my Creator, He loves me limitlessly, and I can respond to that love in obedience and relationship- here is my worth. Here is my significance.

We are made to receive our sense of identity from a voice outside of ourselves; from our Creator. We try to find our significance in our work. But its not how close to perfect the toilet is getting cleaned, it’s who is doing it.

If God thus loves me, then I can afford to have no secrets. Every person here has been made in the image of God. No such thing as mere mortal. I look at you as bearing the signature of God, and so I deal gently with you. Loving out of the fact that we are both loved by God.  

Religion assumes we are separated from God. But, In Him we live and move and have our being.

Rom. 1:25- exchanging the truth for the lie. The lie of being “our own man”.

Man felt guilty, afraid, lonely, and inadequate. Thank God. Turn back to God. But sin addles our brain. When He believed the lie, not only did He not feel like God, He felt less than a man. He was ashamed of his shame. If it’s true that I’m supposed to be ‘god’, self-sufficient, than we feel ashamed that we’re not.

Naked means to be under scrutiny. They were nude and fine with it until the fall. Then they became naked. God made man in His image, so we did the same to God. Adam saw himself as unlovable, so He thought that God couldn’t love imperfect people. They’d lost the meaning of being a person.

When I respond in thankfulness, I start to become a person. God’s love is not an optional extra, it’s our fuel. Adam declared our independence from God. Rom. 1:23 We sought after love from other created beings. They don’t have any to give; at least not the unconditional kind.

Give because we have received from the only source. Not because they have gave to us, but because of that^^^^. Not looking to others to get our self-worth, they can’t fill out our ‘price tag’.

The Kingdom - P. John Ward

The Kingdom

Pastor John Ward

10-20-10

Take it seriously that God is going to use us. We’re here for a reason.

The church is mentioned in the Gospel 3 times. The Kingdom is mentioned over 120 times. It’s what Gods doing in this earth- the Kingdom.

Are you bored? Why? It’s because we don’t know why we’re here. To find our place in the Kingdom is to know our purpose, to stop being bored.

Why am I here? What is the answer? That is the question. We are here for a reason. Psalm 72:19- the reason we’re here. The overarching purpose. I’m not here to make myself happy or to promote myself. It’s not about me. We’re here for His glory. To release His presence, His glory. It’s in us, so it should change things when we come into a room. The mission of God is the Kingdom of God, it releases His presence.

We are to be one of those that helps to bring His Kingdom to this earth.

Why does man exist? What is the church’s purpose? What is the highest purpose for existence? Why am I here? The same reason Jesus was here. He was here for the same reason I am here.

Matt. 4:21, 9:35, 10:1-7 Luke 4:43, 9:2, 10:9

The church for the most part is busy building itself. That’s not the point - release His Kingdom. Only doing what the Father is saying to do. It’s about advancing the Kingdom. My purpose is His purpose.

To do the kingdom:

1. You must be born again. We must enter it.

2. Matt. 6:33- you must seek it. Seek it above all else; seek it, live by it. 

3. You must live by its rules, laws, precepts.

4. Advance the Kingdom.

What is the Kingdom? There must be a King-Christ. There is a desire of the King, a direction. There is a reign of someone. From somewhere - our hearts. It is the government of God.

It is at hand- The Kingdom is now. It is within reach.

This King is going to subdue all things. 1 Cor. 15:21-28 Make disciples- He’s left the responsibility to us. We are the Light to the world-the salt of the earth. He’s transferred all that He did to - us through the Holy Spirit.

Its war-there is trespassers. The authority was handed over. It’s a choice between light and dark. We can’t fully be in control and rule unless the illegal kingdom is displaced.

 It’s not a matter of filling churches- it’s a matter of changing every aspect of this culture/society/government. I can’t do all that God has called me to do outside of the place he’s called me to do it. He’s going to place us.

The Kingdom of God-where the King is ruling. We aren’t King, but we do carry His authority as ambassadors. If we will walk together with God, the 2 together carry authority.

The prize is the earth. Matt 6:9-10, Gen. 1:26-28 We’re supposed to rule over. I can not take on the image of God unless I take on the mission of God- the Kingdom

Is. 9:6-7 Of the increase of His government there will be no end.

Repent- to change your perception- for the Kingdom of Heaven is here. There’s no way I can advance the Kingdom of God unless I change my mind about some things- About religion, about relationships…  about anything that you’re out of agreement with God on.

Matt. 4:23 9:35 Luke 9:2, 10:9 – two things here- preach the Kingdom of God is at hand, and heal the sick.

Of all the supernatural things Jesus did, 69% were healings. Its not just the supernatural, it’s the proclamation of the Kingdom and the healing of the sick. What’s that mean? That the Kingdom does not advance without healing?

1 Cor. 2:4  4:20 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of words but power. That’s the way Jesus did it. Why do we think we shouldn’t or can’t? Do we have a better way than Him?