The Search for Self-worth - Session 2 + 3

10-27-10

Session two

Every generation has believed that they are the generation that would prove the Lie true. But you can’t- it’s a lie. You aren’t God. Independence of God, walking in front of Him instead of in Him is not true life. It is the Lie. Am I neutralizing my shame in your smile?

After the fall, I am ashamed of who I am so: What I do + my success at what I do or have + what you think of what I do = who I am. No longer a human being, but a human doing? In the garden, Adam called the woman, “my lady”- who she is. Afterwards, he renamed her Eve (the mother of my kids) – which was what she did.

As long as I am seeking to define my self in you by what I do; or to God by what I do, I’ll never be whole.  I am looking for love, I will settle for_________. What? Sex? Food? Drugs? Self-loathing? A person is never free from addiction until they experience the Love of God, for that is what they were looking for all along.

How did Adam handle his sense of shame? He disassociated himself from his shame. He took his shame and dumped it on his wife. Adam said, “I don’t have shame.” He believes the Lie that he is as God. By my performance, I will show you I am acceptable - a workaholic. I’m getting something I need (Praise) from boss, from myself. This person finds their identity in their performance. Controlling, Making everything right. Everything has to be right because I’m supposed to be like God. This person never lets someone know that they discovered something, because that would mean that they didn’t know it before. Hiding behind the mask. Where its lonely. This man lives happily with rules. Because its something he can strive towards. “I thank you God I’m not like other men.” No one can get past my mask. The man in control needs someone to tell him he’s needed. He needs imperfect people to show them that he’s perfect. He will go to any length to make the needy person happy, not solving things. He feels responsible to make them happy. He says to himself, “I am their savior” – Well, sort of. It’s approval addiction.

Eve took the shame. “Anything you say, just don’t reject me. You’re right.” That person will feel the shame, feels as if they’re many times less than the average person. Doubting yourself as a human being. Hating yourself for not doing something right. “I’m not like other people, if they really knew me, the real me, I am unlovable.” This person is driven by fear. Fear of abandonment and rejection. So I’m not going to give you a chance to find out who I truly am. Whatever anybody wants me to be, I will be. Because I find my identity in your smile. You’ll only love what I do, not me. Never thinking of their personal relationship, never taking a vacation because they think they’re not worth it. “Well, if you wanna go for Italian, I guess so, yeah that sounds good.” Whatever you want, just don’t reject me or even frown at me. All the time thinking, I hate Italian, why did they have to choose there?

When you believe the Gospel, that God loves you, You will emerge as a person and say, “I don’t like that restaurant!” Most of us are involved in the dance of shame. But listen, I’m responsible for my face, you’re responsible for yours. When you get approval from others, it binds you to continue seeking their happiness to keep getting their approval. When you receive it from God, you’re freed to say yes and no. When you know you’re loved your service will be a response. Are you doing things out of love for yourself? Or God? Is it a boomerang love? God’s love does not seek return. God loves me for my sake not His. He’s not compelled to love, He does it by free choice.

God does not seek my happiness. God doesn’t look at you when you’re unhappy and ask, “what did I (God) do wrong?” God wants to bring us into our full potential of human beings.  When I come to God’s love, my performance is killed. We die when we come to Christ. Which means our performances and strivings are no longer positives, they’re negatives.

Session three

10/28/10

John 3:18- there are two kinds of people in the world, those who are in the light, and those who are in the darkness. We have participated in and contributed to the darkness, we have naturally skulked in the darkness since the lie. In the darkness shame multiplies, and so does every problem.

If you feel guilty, thank God. Use it, go to the cross. Get free. As long as I am afraid that God would reject me if He saw ‘who I really am like’, I live in denial to make myself feel better. It creates a web of lies.

In the garden, when God asked, “What have you done?” –those were the most loving words. God humiliated Himself, He chose to place the ball in Adam’s court, - He’s calling Him out of shame. He was saying, “Adam, tell me what you’ve done- don’t make me tell you what you’ve done.” As soon as you bring your shame out into the light, it’s no longer shame.

Sin has a way of passing on- Iniquity. As long as I am looking to other human beings for love, identity and acceptance, then I am going to spend my entire life hiding who I am; so desperate for the approval of others. Denial is choosing fantasy. Deny out of fear of others not liking me, and Jesus despising me.  That is a fantasy.

Making more promises is just a re-adjustment of fig leaves. Yeah I messed up, but THIS WEEK, I’ll do better, I’ll read this or pray that. Come to Him just as you are. I dare to believe that You, God, You love me in all my weaknesses, all my imperfections.

All the denial, it all comes down to the lie: we’re supposed to be God. It ought to be this great thing, or that… No, the world has problems because it should be that way, it has kicked God out. Why not say, my name is, ______, I am in the process of being saved, and have had some problems.

What’s wrong with admitting we’ve been hurt? You can’t forgive anyone until you admit you’ve been hurt by them. Denial is the gospel of the darkness. If something hurts, deny it, and run into the darkness and “feel safe”. You receive a hideous strength when you deny. A strength that ties in with the lie.

Not admitting that you’re lonely? Why? Is it the religious answer? Because Jesus is enough? Well, yeah… He is, when you admit to Him that you need Him. Denial- it allows me to do things that anyone in their right mind would never do, drink myself to death, whatever… and say that I’m DIFFERENT? Denial is telling others what they want to hear, and what I want to hear.

You see, the root of it all is that severed relationship to God. We have presented a gospel with ultimate concerns. Getting to heaven. The gospel isn’t about that. It has to do with relationships. Once my life has heaven in it, than I am assured that I am going to heaven. The good news starts with the bad news- that I am wrong.  Repentance is saying- it’s all wrong. Not a few things, not going over a list of sins. It’s saying that I, in my entire approach to life am wrong. Coming to Christ is not about sopping up my jaded life, or a ticket to heaven. Its death- death to everything I’d done before-death to the lie. And by the Holy Spirit, I am raised to live with Him in life. And I increasingly move from my denial and shame.